The Practical Man

(Any similarity of any person you know or know of to Appleton Stan is purely coincidental)

I know a fine fellow name Appleton Stan,
A very pragmatic and practical man.
In all that he does, there is always a plan.
This very fine pragmatist, Appleton Stan.


As a young child, Appleton Stan was a picky eater. His mother tended to put lots and lots on his plate, much of which he didn't eat. She coaxed him along.

When he was very,very young it was the "car going into the garage routine," with the car representing the food and his mouth the garage--


"the choo choo train going into the tunnel."

Even at that age, Appleton was reluctant to eat cars and trains.

On some level he must have realized that eating these things would not be digestively agreeable.

Mrs. Stan even tried, "this spoon is for mama, this spoon is for dada, this spoon is for Auntie Crabtree...." But Appleton figured that if this spoon is for mama,give it to mama , or dada, or Auntie Crabtree."

When Appleton grew older, Mrs. Stan then used a more mature tactic:

"Eat your food, Appie, they are starving in Asia."

Appleton Stan, young as he was, started to think about the starving people in Asia and wondered how his eating his food would help them. Wouldn't it be more practical to buy food that did not need refrigeration , pack up the leftovers and send it over?

Appleton Stan was a realistic pragmatist from an early age on. As he grew to manhood, he kept his inclinations. Every action had a question:


His practical nature helped his organizational abilities. He had an envelope for every form of receipt which he kept until he paid his taxes, or longer if necessary. He had them in order so that he could get to any one of them quickly. How his fingers would gently pick through the papers.

Once, Appleton went with his family on a six week trip through Europe. They traveled by plane, boat and train. They stayed in 5 different countries. There were passports, travelers checks, cash doedoes ( the currency in the Queendom of Dzitzel), British pounds, and Euros. They carried vouchers for hotels and tours.There was medical information and insurance forms etc. Appleton took a ruler and measured the papers--4 inches thick. The problem was--HOW TO GET TO ANY ONE OF THOSE PAPERS WITHIN A MINUTE. Appleton, being the realistic pragmatist that he is came up with a solution: A SADDLE BAG.

It didn't look like a saddle bag, but that name pleased him . The saddle bag had four compartments, each of which was color coded: red, yellow, blue, and mauve. He filed all of the travel paper in each of the sections by category:There was the transportation section: red--for plane, train, and boat tickets. There was the identification section --blue--for passports, medical information and insurance. Then there was the country-stay section--yellow-- for hotel and tour vouchers. And finally, the mauve section for money, credit cards, bank cards , travelers checks.

He also had an index card with colors and
what resided in that color's compartiment.

HOW PRACTICAL! It avoided the "where is it?" fights at all destinations.

His pragmatism served him well, especially in Dzitzel. He knew the reality. He knew how to protect himself and his family. He knew how to plan practical living strategies.That his why he has a family of retained noses.

I know a fine fellow named Appleton Stan,
A very pragmatic and practical man.
Because of his habits, and all that he knows,
It's likely he'll always hold on to his nose.


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