(Any similarity of any person you know or know of to John Tonto Earp is purely coincidental)

Good day high school seniors, I hope you're awake,
Applications for colleges, they're there, they await.

So pay close attention, and get on the job,
Stop sitting there blankly , you lazy old blob!
You'll find that your're not the sole one in this race,
To get to a college, this process you face.
And just for your interest, a sample's below,
A letter of reference , and then you will know,

Some students in Dzitzel work harder than you--
You'd better get busy, there's work that is due.



College Admissions Office
Assiduous Univesity
Pushy-Brain Township, OX, 98765


Dear Colleague,

John Tonto Earp is an optimist. Despite many family difficulties, John has managed to keep his head well above water .In fact, he is not infrequently soaring through the clouds. He says that ,"I always look at the positives in life and move forward."

John and his family came to Dzitzel from the former Republic of North Mizeri 9 months ago. His mother , who suffers from recurrent hiccups related to the consumption of raw carrots and cold hamburgers, works a 20- hour a day shift in a clothing sweat shop leaving John in charge of his 22 biological younger siblings, 4 stepbrothers and 3 cousins. (John's stepfather works at the same factory, but a different shift, plus overtime.) Despite these heavy responsibilities at home, John is growing mentally, physically, socially, emotionally, culturally, etc.

An avid reader, John is an intellectual's intellectual. He is a hard worker at school, doing well in the most difficult courses offered here at Dzizel's notorious SIGH HIGH SCHOOL. One of his Dzitzel instructor's notes that "his essays are brilliantly written despite his limited knowledge of Dzitzelese. His word usuage indicates that he has a great facility for language." His Advanced Placement (AP) Linguistics teacher adds that "John's ability to express himself orally and in the written word puts him at the top of the class."

John does not shy away from our most demanding math and science courses. His AP Physics teacher believes that "John is not afraid to put perspiration behind his inspiration, and works long hours preparing his projects." John's A+ GPA and near 2400 on the SAT I and very high SAT II scores--and there are many of those-(with an average of over 790 on all tests, ) indicate that John's intellectual potential is quite impressive.

Outside of the classroom , John Tonto Earp has demonstrated leadership skills. His pastor at the local parish realized his talents when John ran the April Fool's Day charity drive, raising more than $240,657. 23 for the neighborhood poor.

John's initiative in devising and carrying out successful programs is also evident at the Mizeri Immigrant Facility Society where he helps immigrants to Dzitzel from his homeland adjust to their new country by finding them homes and jobs. He arranges for financial assistance, collects and distributes clothing, food and other essentials;he runs an adult education language training program where he himself is a teacher. John organized toy collection drives for orphans and is no stranger to the soup kitchen. His tireless work with the elderly at the Dzitzel Home for the Aged and with pre-teens at the Dzitzel Youth Center in his neighborhood indicates that John has an ability to communicate compassionately with people of all ages. His amiability extends to animals; John is on-call at the Dzitzel dog pound.

John Tonto Earp is a one-man orchestra. His proficiency in violin and viola is equaled by his abilities on the clarinet, tuba, and cymbals. He has won many awards including the coveted Paul Bunyan Bronze Dandilion Cluster Prize of Excellence.

John is involved in a well-rounded collection of school-related activities. Liked and respected by his peers, John was recently elected to the position of president of his senior class and heads the Dzitzel-Mizeri Cultural Exchange, a club that he created at SIGH HIGH. He is an excellent athlete, excelling on our Swimming, Basketball, and Varsity track teams. He loves card games and is president of the Student Bridge club. As layout editor of our school's newspaper, he introduced new initiatives that have made the SIGH HIGH SERPENT, as one student observed," "more reader-friendlly."
John tutors math to his fellow students three evenings a week and runs the Reading Anti-Apprehension Club which meets after school hours on Fridays.

All in all, one might say that John Tonto Earp is an achiever. He never avoids challenges and is always on the lookout for new ones. He is accomplished in all of his activities. My colleagues and I at Sigh High School who know him are sure that he will become even MORE successful at the college level.

I recommend John Tonto Earp to you with astounded enthusiasm.


Jason Wintrop Labotomy Homingpigeon, DBQ
College Advisor-Manipulator
Sigh High School
Dzitzel City, Queendom of Dzitzel, 00000-0000


The days Tonto fills, 50 hours or more,
Your day still should have ,at the least 24.

Don't worry ,dear students, the process ahead,
Will get you your first choice, another instead.

I know that I cautioned ,I know what I said.
Forget all of that, and relax, go to bed.

It sure doesn't matter what Tonto can do.
For Tonto is Tonto, of course , you are you.

Wherever you go, you can rise to the top,
In mind and in spirit, your movement won't stop.

Work hard, maintain decency, in all you pursue,
Your dreams are in progress, MAY EVEN COME TRUE.


To Pick a Personality


To Intellectuals