R.S.V.P, M.O.O, Xy.Z, T.N.T, O.I.N.K.


(Any similarity of any person you know or know of to Sir Baltimmorre Cloneis purely coincidental)


(Any resmblance to any worm oops! PHYLUM ANNELIDA is, I suppose coincidental!)


Come-on everybody, meet Baltimmorre Clone,
Who's frequently seen sitting somewhere alone.

But don't get confused , nope, he's waitin; each day,
For people or others to dribble his way.

They'll notice him reading an erudite book,
He's anxious to awe them by hook or by crook.


Sir Baltimmorre Clone, Do.A, S.O.B. etc. says he loves to read. But much,much more than that, he loves being observed reading. Baltimmorre Clone will not just read anything. He would never lower himself to read THE HANGNAIL GAZETTE or the CHEWING GUM JOURNAL. NOPE, NEVER!. He will not read anything that is unclassic. NOPE, NEVER! He will not read anything that is unscholarly.NOPE NEVER! He would not read in a usual fashion. He is no ordinary worm oops ! Phylum Annelida.

HE WILL BE NOTICED FOR HIS UNIQUENESS AND DISTINCTNESS. He will be regarded as a pundit with an extraordinary flair.

Last week he read THE PECADILLO TALES, three times. The week before that he read THE COMPLETE WORKS OF SCHICKELSPEARE in half time. He made sure that
these endeavors were well-known.

And that's not the whole picture. Baltimmorre Clone enjoys nonfiction too.Periodically, he consults the REGIONAL SUBLIMINAL GUIDE TO PERIODONTAL LITERATURE to find scholarly articles in sophisticated journals on esoteric factual topics. Last month, for example, he read an essay entitled,"Seventy-Five Functional Alternatives to the Wheel."

Today he is reading the 19th century classic novel,JANE EYRE. Although it looks like he is reading it with both eyes, he is really only using one. Guess what the other eye is looking for?

Sir Baltimmorre Clone is very strict about his reading pace and always uses a metronome to keep himself steady.

Next week, his reading itinerary includes, but is not limited to, Lord Titlewave's Complete book of lyric poems which he plans to read backwards and forwards--literally. He likes variety , you see, but only what is considered high level by all of the multitude of impressed observers--who, in Sir Baltimmorre's sagacious ( and ironic) opinion, know a little less than nothing!


Every Tuesday. at 3:00PM, Sir Baltimmorre adds up his collected non-fictional data on a computerized adding machine so that he can keep track of the total number of facts he has inserted into his mind lately. He then makes lists of:

1. What he has read-

2. What he knows from what he has read-



He hangs the lists on trees so that everyone will know what he has read and what he knows from what he has read. Sir Baltimmorre Clone ...........etc. is absolutely positive that one and all will then be stupendously impressed


This scholar of scholars, Sir Baltimmore Clone,
Is sittin' alone, near the trees, on his own.

His metronome gadget is ticking away,
From minute to hour, from hour to day.

This intellect's intellect, yep, yesiree,
Impatiently waits there for you, them and me.

To witness his mindset as state-of-the art,
(Perhaps he 's a fool, but believes he looks smart.)