The Twoytles


(Any similarity of any person you know or know of to The Twoytles is purely coincidental)


Now here are some brainies, who firmly require
To load up their heads, tons of facts they'd acquire.

These Twoytles decided a long time ago,
To absorb information from 'those in the know.

They wake in the morning, each glorious day,
They'll stretch out, and yawn, then routinely will say--

"Now folks, you'll live well, if our method you heed,
Your life will be joyous, here's how to proceed."

Collect lots of data, then store in your head,
Be sure that this info' is based on what's said."

"Regard every fact that you learn is quite true,
When the source of the notion is OTHER THAN YOU."


Twoytle Dumb, Twoytle Dee, and Twoytle Three do whatever they are told to do. ALWAYS. They believe whatever is told to them is true. ALWAYS.

Why--once they met up with a jolly real estate agent who was selling land on the moon by the square inch-- a once in a lifetime deal. The Twoytles pooled their resources and purchased this valuable property so that together they now own a square yard.


And now they are happy landowners.


They once consulted with Barton G. Humpty B. Bumper Begooo who informed them that he was a very famous map maker. He gave them an insider's tip-- The names of places on the globe as now thought are completely wrong. This world reknowned consultant was kind enough to sell them a revised globe. The Twoytles are now intensely studying the corrections.







At one time they met up with a platoon of pleasant innovators who had an array of inventions ready for backing. The Twoytles pooled their resources and invested in:



This is a gadget with a pail full of feathers attached to a long bar ( wooden, metal -take your choice) situated directly over the head of the sleeping individual. At a preselected time (recommendations for that available upon request) a silent alarm goes off which tips the pail scattering the feathers over the sleeper's face.

Once the pail unloads it's contents, it straightens
up again. Attached to the bottom of the pail is a fan which blows the feathers, thus tickling said sleeper on other body parts. The sleeper begins to itch, ideally sneeze, scratch and wakes up. (Feathers come in a wide variety of sizes and colors.)

This alarm clock has an optional accessory for heavy sleepers who are not ticklish-- A small movable paddle hanging from a rod on the bar is automatically lowered to the sleeper's head ( there is an adjustable option for a choice of body part to which the paddle is directed). This paddle goes into action within 7 seconds of the tipping of the pail, (if the sleeper is still sleeping) gently banging him / her or/ it on the head or selected body part. This is a last resort method which usually succeeds if all feathers fail.


I am happy to report that since investing in this invention, The Twoytles thus far have sold three of them.......



A pen ( or pencil) is attached to a ruler by an elastic band. The ruler is secured on the top of a head device. The pen (or pencil) is suspended in mid-air over the wearer's face, just over the wearer's nose. This enables the student )or anyone else for that matter who is in need of a writing implement ) to have said writing implement available at all times.


-Eliminates excuses from lazy students who do not want to do work, claiming they have nothing to write with.

-Prevents loss of the writing implement, especially during times of crisis and confusion--such as an erupting volcano.

-Prevents children from fighting over pens or pencils, (especially yellow ones) retrieved from the floor . The owner is, so to speak, attached to his or her own pen or pencil at all times.

I am happy to report that since investing in this invention, The Twoytles thus far have sold three of them.......



This life-saving invention upon hitting the water automatically and instantly lowers an anchor that has a very long rope . The anchor is attached to the bottom of the chair. This device prevents the sitting person from floating aimlessly out to sea.


I am happy to report that since investing in this invention, The Twoytles thus far have sold three of them.......


4. Earplugs for ducks.


I am UNHAPPY to report that since investing in this invention, The Twoytles thus far have not been successful in enticing any ducks to purchase this item.

But they are far from giving up!



At one time they met up with a creative travel agent who specialized in selling tours to places where his clients do not want to go. The agent convinced the Twoytles, without difficulty ( as you might have already guessed) to go on some exciting holidays.

1. To the Suzie-Jean Cockroach Sanctuary of Central Megalomania

2. The magnificent caves of Claustrophobia.

3. A tour of their own house.



The Twoytles believe every word that they hear,
Each WHO, WHAT, HOW ,WHEN and of course WHY and WHERE.

So when you're in Dzitzel and have an idea,
In need of an audience, please, have no fear.

The Twoytles will soak in each word that you say,
Then follow, exactly, avoiding delay.


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